Dorothy Baker was on her way home from the drug store with her 5 & 2 year-old sons when she got the shock of her life. A man popped up from the third row of her minivan and he had a knife. He said that he wanted $200 and she told him that all she had was 20 bucks. He then rushed to the front of the minivan and sat in the passenger's seat and began to threaten her, because he realized she had dialed 9-1-1.
And at that point Dorothy knocked the knife out of his hand and began punching him repeatedly in the face….and she was doing this while still driving! She then slammed on the brakes and told him to get out of her van, and he said…he said, "fine!" Yes the "big bad" robber said "fine" and then ran off. But then Dorothy thought, "if he just gets away then he can do this to someone else" so she put her foot on the gas, chased him down, and ran over him. He is in stable condition and will likely survive. His name is Ismael Martinez and records show he served time for a rape conviction.
John Reed called the police to report that the windows and lights had been smashed on his sweet 1973 Winnebago RV! So the fine officers rushed to the scene and that is when they were given the rest of the story…John said he knew exactly who had nearly destroyed his Winnebago.
John informed them that it was none other Bigfoot! And the officers actually took his full statement which was, "Bigfoot had targeted him because he is the leader of the Lykens Valley Sasquatch Hunters. And he clearly saw Bigfoot hunched over and he was very hairy." And by the way, if you go to his Facebook you will learn what to do when being chased by Bigfoot. First, run uphill because Bigfoot has a large slanted forehead so they will have to stop to look up."
On Tuesday morning a sweet little college student was doing some high end shopping at the Dumfries' WalMart. She was just strolling the lovely isles looking for the smiley face when suddenly a man appears out of nowhere, and he was wearing pajamas and a 2008 Obama T-shirt. And then in the spirit of HOPE AND CHANGE he dropped his pajama bottoms and began doing the swinging wienie dance!
Yes he was showing all that the good Lord had given him and doing so with a couple of extra hip thrusters. He then pulled up his pants and calmly walked out the front door and jumped in his Honda Civic and off he went. Unfortunately there is not a video of the dance, but there is a clear picture of him leaving, but due to the Obama t-shirt he is likely to get a presidential pardon.
Fitz enjoys sending me texts that are goofy and often times obscene, and after he sent this to my wife and said, "See what you missed out on" I decided to punish him! Amy and Fitz grew up together and so they have had a love/hate relationship, but the fact that she volunteered to edit the photo for me makes me wonder what's really going on! :)
Lisa Cravener was in labor with her third child when her hubby was rushing her to the hospital, but she soon figured out she wasn't going to make it. So she made him pull into a 7-11 parking lot where she did indeed give birth to a little boy. And since he was born in the parking lot of a 7-11 she reportedly considered naming him Big Gulp! If you ask me that was the thing to do...think of the endorsement deals! Unfortunately she decided not to name him after the Godfather of oversized drinks, and his name will be Hunter. Lisa did say that his nickname will be Big Gulp. Mommy & Big Gulp Hunter are doing well.
This is a quick and strange story that will make us glad we don't live in Florida! Basically the people of the sunshine state are being invaded by mosquitoes, and the freaky part of the story is that they are not two or three times larger than the normal mosquito, but 20 times larger!
These buggers are about the size of a quarter, and they have been nicknamed "gallinippers", because local legend says that they take a gallon of blood when they bite someone. Interestingly enough, the females are the only ones that will bite you! They don't appear to be dangerous and may actually kill off the smaller mosquitoes. However, you get bit by one of these flying freaks of nature and you will know it!!!
This Sunday will be bitter sweet for 33…I said 33 year-old Orlando Shaw who will be celebrating Father's Day with a few of his 22 kids! NO KIDDING, Orlando has 22 children with 14 different women. And most if not all of those women are not happy with him, because he has not been paying child support. Orlando says, "I was young and ambitious and I love women. You can't knock no man for loving women." No Orland, but we can knock you for knocking them up and not taking care of them, and that is why a judge is telling him to figure out a way to shell out $7,000 a month for the kiddos. And what is Orlando's plan to begin paying child support? He says that he will begin "playing the hell out of the Tennessee lottery."
Thomas Edwards wanted to propose to his girlfriend in style…he wanted to propose to her in style, which meant getting OUT of his clothes! Yes Tommy boy went to her house at 3:45 in the morning, stripped down on the front porch, and rang the doorbell. Only one problem, he somehow went to the wrong house. So the owners looked out the peep hole to get a real peep show! And they quickly called the cops! Long story short, he ended up getting tased and arrested.
Ladies and gentleman I would like to introduce you to either the sweetest woman in the world or the biggest liar on the planet. Her name is Mindy Crandell who is 34 years-old, and she will forever be known as THAT woman. THAT woman who let Gloria Mackenzie in front of her to buy a quick pick lottery ticket that ended up being worth $590 million dollars!
And get this, when Grandma Gloria stepped up to buy the ticket the cashier actually stopped her and said that Mindy was next in line. Well Mindy felt bad about it because Gloria is 84 years-old, and so she let her go ahead of her. And Mindy was asked how she felt about the fact that she…she could have been the one to win over a half billion dollars and she said that she…she "has no regrets"! And how about this for irony, when everyone was waiting for two weeks to find out who actually won…someone in Mindy's family jokingly said, "I bet it was that old woman you let in front of you."
As any young man will tell you, don't ever be the first one to fall asleep or pass out at a dunken party. Case and point, 22 year-old Patrick Stapleton decided to pull a prank on his buddy who was fast asleep after having too many cold ones. He thought it would be really funny to grab his buddy's BB gun and shoot him…shoot his sleeping buddy right in the buttocks!
So he quietly grabbed the BB gun, walked over and pulled the trigger and BAM! No, I mean BAM and as you probably know…BB guns don't go BAM! And that is because it wasn't a BB gun. No, it was a .40 caliber handgun! "Sleeping Sore Butt Beauty" is in the hospital, but he will be ok. Charges against Pat are likely pending.
William Moody may be 71, but he still has a lot and I do mean a lot of spark in him. This was demonstrated when he got into a scuffle with police officers last week. The problem started when there was an auto accident in front of Willie's house, and he got blocked in his driveway. He couldn't get out due to the accident and he began throwing a fit! And he threw so much of a fit that he ended up getting arrested and taken down town. And once at the police station he decided to stop throwing a fit and began throwing accessories and body parts!
Willie first threw his wrist watch at an officer, and then he grabbed the "chaw" out of his mouth and chucked that at the officer, but he wasn't done. When his watch and chewing tobacco didn't deter the officers he resorted to his secret weapon….his dentures! He pulled his chompers out of his mouth and took aim and threw them at the officers! He was eventually restrained and no one was injured.
Out of Serbia … Taking a Snooze
Ivan Tolvich got drunk and did something that I guarantee…guarantee you have never done or thought of doing. He got TANKED and decided to walk up the steel girder of a bridge.
As you can see to the left he started walking up one of those beams that was only 4 feet wide, and when he got about half way up he decided to do something else none of us have thought of doing. Ivan decided to take a nap. And when rescue workers finally made their way up to him….he was still asleep! They slowly woke him up after…after they put a harness on him.
We don't have a name, but a 66 year-old dude just got a very surprising diagnosis when he went into see his doctor. The man went in with complaints of abdominal swelling and pain, and a few hours later a very confused doctor told the man he had a cyst. He had a cyst on HIS ovary. You got it…at 66 years old he found out that he was actually a she or at least he was more she than he was a he. Yes he had male parts, but according to the docs they were called MICRO…uh….parts. So while he did have some testosterone flowing through his body he had a lot more estrogen in there.
A family in Grand Lake put up a beautiful life-size statue of a MOOSE right there in their front yard. Yes they wanted everyone to drive by and notice and admire their MOOSE statue. And of course people noticed it somewhat, but they are definitely…definitely noticing the Moose now that she has a boyfriend.
Yes on any given day you can drive by and see "Mary The Moose" statue getting a visitor from a real live moose that has fallen in love with her. And we all know how animals enjoy showing their love for one another right? And let's just say that "Mikey The Moose" stops by often to show how his love is MOUNTING! As you can see he and Mary The Moose put on quite a show and people are definitely noticing! Share on Facebook
On Thursday evening the Los Angeles police responded to a silent panic call from an office building. They reported to the scene and saw an ARMED SNIPER in the window. So they obviously surrounded the building…they were on the roof, they were on the ground, and the helicopter was overhead, and then they STORMED the building.!
But here's the thing. The building is the home of a video game company called Robotoki. And Robotoki is the company that makes the game "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2." Are you seeing where this is going?Thearmed sniper was actually just a life-size figure of a soldier from the video game. As for the panic call, one of the employees hit the 9-1-1 panic button at the office to see if it worked! So someone will likely be getting fined.
It is that time of year where we will start having graduations, and they had a nice little graduation ceremony in Cleveland over the weekend. All the families were gathered around and having a wonderful time until…until someone spilled some punch on someone else. And then all hell broke loose.
The two began fighting and one of them grabbed a piece of pipe and the other grabbed a hammer. Not sure why there was a hammer and piece of pipe at a graduation but I digress…the fight was on and by the time cops arrived there was basically a riot at the graduation. A riot at the Michael R. White Elementary School!