EP08 - It's Not You, It's Me and What I Think of Myself

Wednesday, April 19th

00:14:13

People are more concerned with themselves than they are with you. Plain and simple. We talk about how failure is a blessing and how Oprah and Brene Brown explain it in such an eye opening way.

www.courageworks.com

Transcription

I went on the most off turnout of first states ever and this is the date when there was no romantic feelings going on it all because it was a date. With my new boss my name is Alan Taylor and this is medicated episode eight before you start economic action is pleading with the Boston is not the case we got a new boss here at the radio station. And he suggested rebuff for coffee and he when he gets bleeped I think that's free of all managers to do my sister just became a manager and she was talking about how she wants to get to know the people that she's now working link. Issues doing similar one on one meetings. And I felt like it was a first date because you start talking about yourself in a way that he would run a first eight the first state. There's summer ward at the end. And this coffee date with my boss. I was sick feeling very vulnerable I went home and started thinking about to see the great things did I talk too much which he answers probably yes. Did he understand what I meant to buy this. I tried to be fighting humorist oh my god didn't come off like a bit and there's only things that have been playing to my mind since this coffee date that we had. Like yeah that time that we're getting to know each other. He had compliment to me and I am really excited to be working with someone. I think you really talented and things like that and I end. In my mind like yeah yeah you probably shouldn't everyone get this straight you the most into the show for a little while. What can I be doing better and don't sugarcoat it for me and he said you ride the need train. The first time I'd been told that. What he was the first person to give me an example that I could really understand. I know I should aim to be doing XYZ but a lot of times I don't know why I do XYZ so someone shows it to me in an egg bulk. I connect better in my brain and that's what we're certainly sell its Intel network the past couple of days because I've kept that in my head I let me know of that. OK I need to work on this quote unquote meat train. It's would have could challenge the past couple days because right the things to change for the better which I think we all GO. Then it needs to start with yourself and it's starting with self. Including how can I get off of this nature each yearning for a loop and I was thinking about this podcast out because. The whole idea of this podcast is that I'm opening up an I'm sharing my story to encourage other people to share theirs because it's more of us talked about our insecurities our vulnerability are. I'm anxiety what ever might be that. If we start talking about that more more people would be brave enough to do that sealed. Sopranos conflicting and and I looked first source outside of me again getting off the mean train. And I went to someone I had stumbled upon during a Ted talk her knee Bernie brown. Actually I did stumble upon our Ted talk now that I think about it my therapist tell me about her and I watch her Ted talks afterwards and I think she's amazing she really speaks to. Or what a lot of us struggle with. And puts in ways that we can understand an NF helpful way and in a way where. You're not ashamed of feeling scared her vulnerable or what ever get her name is brand name BE RE and I actually found you to video. Of her. Had a website called courage and works dot com and it's her interviewing Oprah. She a couple of things Oprah interviewed her but this time she interviewed Oprah you're about Sheen. Embraces it there's two parts of shame. One you're never good enough. In two. Who do you think you watch those of the thoughts that go through your head when you're feeling shame. Never good enough. And who do you think you are. And burning asks Oprah. Which ones she struggled with the most an Oprah said I struggled more with who you think you are not only is she a female not only is she black. She's got a lot of things stacked up against her. So who do you think you why that's the ease things for people to kind of go attack. I noticed I kind of like that he thinks he'll it's never do what I think I'm good enough I don't doubt whether or not I'm good enough. And stain that is scary because if I say I don't doubt how good I am. And that opens the door for things like who do you think he will. I think I am confident person. I know I am confident person I know I am good at what I deal. It doesn't mean that I'm not scared of you worked comments of your feedback. Oprah continued on to say that it got to a point where she wanted to walk down a hall. And half people think about when they saw her wow. She was so full of herself that she was overflowing into the point where she had to share with others. She was so full of whatever it was that made her heard that there was enough to go around for everyone she put a positive spin on the who do you think you are. Question. And it changed people from. Saying and I'm really mean way absolutely not. But changed her perception on it changed how she received that message in L this video. In the little description box on a link it somewhere on this podcast where you can check out for yourself but later on Renee and Oprah start talking about how do you feed up the negativity. We don't know the intent of a message. Until after it's sad. Even though the intentions sometimes of the message even after it's. You just hear constructive criticism we need to hear constructive criticism that's the only way we better right. That's I want my boss said Alan you ride the meat train a little bit. I was happy I was appreciative of that because the only way I'm going to get better is if I hear what it is that I am not good. Act might bar Ted good intentions he's my boss if I win he wins it two and a good job he's doing a good job. What is the tour has blackened my is that what it's not your boss telling you this what if it's a FaceBook comment what is its a friend who's not really a friend who has something to gain from your failures. What if it is a friend. Who really just wants to be for you and does a good intentions. I'm too afraid to admit that comment on FaceBook get to meet. Does all of the comments. I don't know if I necessarily built up a callous toward I. I come to expect some comments it's the want to catch me off guard for example it was a picture of my body thing about how. I second guess whether or not to post it because I couldn't I shot my double chin. And a jet only commenting and saying real women have curves and woman commented. Telling me that I skinny sheen's people. All because. I have curves that doesn't make someone who doesn't have curbs less of a woman. I wasn't the one that said that nor do I agree with it but I took it personally I felt bad I felt guilty because. The picture I posted in media content in myself hurt someone else it led to adapt what I meant to or not it led to that conversation and and got to me he's a much sits still sticks with me that I dream this or this comment I know a lot of justification and no amount of explaining to this person was gonna change her mind on how I thought an am but the perception what my intention of that message was. Because she received it that way. I'm afraid to admit that the comment to get to me on the other side. I wanna prove that I am strong. I admit that these key holes. These people who have keyboard courage. To me sometimes so. I'm glad for punishment. And I read the comics. I think I can take. And sometimes. It's Oprah says she doesn't read the comments any. She doesn't look at the tabloids anymore and obviously she's on a bigger stage than most of us aren't. I think being strong is knowing. That you can and you should turn off. You don't know what she don't now. Solid I don't know that people are being Apple's online about me. Then. I'm okay I'm sheltered. But then again you see the catch tweet she aware. Everything I've posted gonna go really well my Intel might be good but some comes up front and I appreciate when people it's too neon. How do you know the difference between. A message of critique comes from a positive place and someone just being a jerk until after he read the message. So it makes sense big sense of my head and I'm hoping that it's kind of come across another thing that Oprah said is that we are so scared of failing. In fact to Britney brown wrote a book called the gifts of imperfection and were all scared to fail were all scared to not perfect what people say will people do how I feel. I'm vulnerable I'm machines eyeing. All of this stuff. Oprah goes on to say. Quote if this is amazing failure is just scared to inform me to go in a different direction. That's failures for our. Failure is like some way to tell you may be shunted to the left should turn right. It's personal fate we are so obsessed with our selves. Me included tends to meet train thing right about social media FaceBook into grand snapped chads are all about us Mimi Mimi Mimi. We have to realize that failure is not. A personal thing and can start looking at as a blessing it's a blessing. Be thankful for your failure is easier said none Alan I totally get it. I was having lunch with a friend last weekend just telling me that she's at a winery with her husband and another male friend. Sitting at the table next to them was these other women 34 women may be a little bit younger than her dress really nicely. She wondered why she thought that it's because those girls thought that she was too old or that she was out of touch or that she was. A bitch what ever it might be. Ice tonight asked her. Do you really think they thought about yield. I think it was more about them the reason why didn't include her in the friend of the beautiful woman of people that she even understands. She has a great life she's got a good eye on her shoulders she's funny she's caring she's kinda can't say a bad thing about her. So opposes caution her to think that maybe. They were intimidated by you and aid because they were insecure with didn't sell those they didn't think they work as good as you that they just didn't want to. Include you in a conversation and make themselves feel last man because they had built up this idea of what you were without even now Neil. Based off of their own insecurities. And it wasn't what I do for life I think I would have acted the same way towards her. It's not righty brits happens. I was coming after my trip. My friend was at a bar or you can bring dogs. And she had brought my dog. Barks so when I got home from my trip and that my friends at the bar to get my. My age I just got off to a fly I'd spent the weekend in Vegas I did not let Q I was not in any type of bar attire at all not make a pair on top of my head probably in some type of sweats whenever muffin top Colleen now are there to get my dog. This. And said. Like it's great to you I listen to this well. And because what I do for life my first instinct is to be kind to be nice because this woman is a listener. And I'm going to be a jerk and economic insecurities get the we're in because I eight know this person to continue to be a listener I mean this person Q. Good impression of me because the chances of me running into this person in real life again our Swinton not an. But the tip of the them tuning in Monday to Friday. Our Mary I saw the conversation with their thirty seconds picked up on the fact that she was genuine. And she was kind and she was nice to her later on at this price. I said if it wasn't for what I do for life because of the way I looked that day. Even I would've. Google gets in your direction because I would've been intimidated. Not because of anything you did but because of my insecurities. People are more concerned with themselves. And they are of the plain and simple someone cuts you off on the highway. I don't think it was a personal. Did this person cut you off because they didn't like the car that it over to this person cut you off because they didn't check their blind spot before they marched. Teens is on an intact a blind spot but as people. Think like I was 'cause of something I dead. And that starts like a chain of reaction. A chain of action a chain of stepped accompanied happen. So how do we fix I have no idea. I'm not ready brown I'm not Oprah Luke you know like out to fix it. But going back to why I started this podcasting going back to the big is this whole thing which is. We need to start talking about that's because I didn't realize that this is something that I was doing until someone brought it to my attention. These confusing misses were so focused on ourselves. Into Sudan don't realize what we're doing to ourselves could it. The professionals can explain it what it better than I can and not only can makes clean better could probably have better solutions. So I encourage you check out Bernie brown. Courage works dot com if you click on blog I think it's the the very last entry listed. Where it's her interview with Oprah they talk about the stuff or just Google Britney brown. Entry and gain something from that that would grow by thinking and change even having the courage she gives up. My name is Ellen Taylor this as the Medicaid podcast. It is officially.