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Crown of Clowns for May 28, 2015

Defending yourself in court is rarely a good idea, but I can tell you that allowing a STUFFED OWL to defend you in court is NEVER A GOOD IDEA. I kid you not folks, a man by the name of Charles Abbot was in court in Aspen, Colorado this week and brought a stuffed owl…set it on the desk in front of him in the courtroom and said, "This is my attorney Soloman."

To make this story even better, Chuck Abbot was there because he had assaulted another man DURING an alcoholic's anonymous meeting. During the proceedings the judge couldn't help but ask for the credentials of Soloman the Owl. Chuck said, that his Stuffed Owl Attorney had law degrees from Yale, Harvard, and Stanford. He also told the judge that Soloman was a little sensitive.

Now, the guy Chuck assaulted is named Michael and in the end, the judge couldn't make a decision but told them to stay away from each other except on Sundays. Yes, they can be around each other on Sundays because they go to the same CHURCH!

Solomon the STUFFED OWL asked for the case to be dismissed, but the judge rescheduled the hearing for next month.


First of All, Chuckie, why are you in A-A? Remember…no one likes a quitter!

Secondly, if you think the owl is talking and listening to you then you need more than alcoholics anonymous. You are coo coo!

Thirdly, Chuck, you must've been drunk to think an owl is an attorney. Everyone knows lawyers are snakes!
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Topics : Human InterestLaw_Crime
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Locations : Colorado
People : Charles AbbotChuck AbbotSoloman


The Crown of Clowns for May 6, 2015

A woman named Danielle Perez won two prizes on "The Price Is Right" yesterday . . . a treadmill and a sauna. The only problem is, Danielle lost her LEGS in an accident ten years ago, and uses a WHEELCHAIR.

Naturally that made it awkward when the prizes were revealed, but Drew Carey didn't address it . . . although he seemed to speed through the pricing game. Danielle didn't address it either . . . but she's been Tweeting about it.

She said they don't offer cash equivalents, and the sauna isn't wheelchair accessible. Obviously it was all an unfortunate coincidence . . . but some people think the show should've made sure it DIDN'T happen.

Luckily Danielle threw water on the 'outrage.' She Tweeted, quote, "Oh come on! Isn't it the most hilarious though? If winning it was wrong, I don't want to be right. I'm still cracking up."

She also Tweeted a screenshot of her reaction on the show, with the caption, quote, "When you win a treadmill on national TV, but you have no feet."

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Topics : Sports
People : Danielle PerezDrew Carey


The Crown of Clowns for April 24, 2015

One day, people are going to learn that posting something publicly on Facebook means that . . . gasp . . . people can see it.


27-year-old Kaitlyn Walls is a single mom from Dallas, Texas.  Earlier this month, she got a job working at a daycare.


But the morning before she started, she posted on Facebook, quote, "I start my new job today, but I absolutely hate working at daycare."  Her new bosses saw it . . . and FIRED her before she could even start.


Then a mob of angry mothers on Facebook found out what she'd written and started attacking her, so she tried to clarify, quote, "Lol, it's all good, I just really hate being around a lot of kids."


That's really not an improvement . . . it might actually be worse.


Kaitlyn says she realizes that she shouldn't have vented about her job before she started . . . and if she DOES have issues in the future, she's not going to put them on Facebook.  Quote, "I'm not going to post anything . . . no matter how I feel." 

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Locations : DallasTexas
People : Kaitlyn Walls


The Crown of Clowns for April 24, 2015

This guy took a bad situation and made it into a HILARIOUSLY bad situation . . . so well done, I guess? 44-year-old Steven Shuler of Monrovia, Indiana was at home on Monday when the cops showed up to arrest him for a probation violation.


He managed to climb through a 16-inch hole to hide inside his walls . . . and it WORKED.  The cops thought he was out and they left.


Unfortunately for Steven, that's where his good luck ended.  He didn't have any way to get OUT of the walls . . . and he wound up stuck there for more than 24 HOURS.


His ex-wife came by the next day and found him . . . so she decided to call for help.  The fire department came and got him out of the wall . . . and he was arrested. 

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Topics : Law_Crime
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Locations : IndianaMonrovia
People : Steven Shuler


Crown of Clowns for Thursday, April 23, 2015

Just because YOU love a random animal doesn't mean it loves you back. 18-year-old Austin Hatfield of Wimauma, Florida captured a four-foot cottonmouth snake last week and decided to keep him as a pet.  (Cottonmouths are also called water moccasins.) He's been keeping it in a pillowcase in his girlfriend's house.  Well . . . a few days ago, he was cuddling with his new pet and decided to give him a kiss on the mouth.  And . . . it BIT him.


Cottonmouths are venomous and can be pretty deadly . . . so Austin was rushed to the hospital in critical condition.  Fortunately, he pulled through and now he's been upgraded to good condition. BUT . . . now we add insult to injury.  You need a permit in Florida to catch and keep a cottonmouth snake . . . so Austin is being investigated and could be facing charges. 


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Topics : Human Interest
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Locations : FloridaWimauma
People : Austin Hatfield


Dealing with Grief

If you are dealing with the loss of a loved one, or even the loss of a relationship through divorce or a breakup please listen to my interview with my friend and grief expert Janelle Biagioni by clicking HERE! :)

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Topics : Human Interest
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People : Janelle Biagioni


Fitz in the Morning's Super Bowl "Bets"

The crew isn't really making bets in Las Vegas, but here are our picks on some of the strange bets that some are making in Sin City this week:

Will Marshawn grab his crotch when he scores?

What will be the hoodie color Bill Belichick wears during the game?
Fitz-Dark Blue

Will Belichick smile on camera during the game?

Who will the Super Bowl MVP mention first?
Tony-Tom Brady will thank his team

What color of Gatorade will be dumped on the winning coach?

Who will win the Super Bowl?
Fitz-Seattle 21-14
Ellen-Seattle 24-21
Tony-Patriots 34-15

What will Katie Perry show during her show?
Tony-Lots of cleavage and belly

How many times will the announcers mention "deflate gate" during the broadcast...over or under 3 times?

We would love to hear your predictions!!
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Fitz chats with Keith Urban

We were lucky enough to chat with none other than Keith Urban this morning! If you didn't get the chace to listen in, you can still hear the whole thing, just click here!
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Topics : Hospitality_Recreation
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People : Keith Urban


Acronyms You Need to Know If You Are a Parent

These are the acronyms you need to watch out for if you are a parent:

CD9: Short for “Code 9,” which means parents are around.
KPC: Keeping Parents Clueless
MOS: Mom Over Shoulder
P911: Parent Alert
PAL: Parents Are Listening
PAW: Parents Are Watching
PIR: Parent In Room
POS: Parent Over Shoulder

143, 459 or ILU: I love you
1174: Invited to a wild party
420: Marijuana
GNOC: Get Naked On Camera
GYPO: Get Your Pants Off
AMEZRU: I Am Easy, Are You?
IWSN: I Want Sex Now
KFY or K4Y: Kiss For You
KOTL: Kiss On The Lips
NIFOC: Nude In Front Of The Computer
RUH: Are You Horny?
TDTM: Talk Dirty To Me
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Topics : Human Interest


Fitz's Brown Bag Turkey Recipe

Here is the recipe I talekd about on the air today:


• 1 (18 -20 lb) whole turkey
• 2 stalks celery (roughly chopped)
• 1 carrots (roughly chopped)
• 1 onions (cut into quarters)
• 3 -4 crushed garlic cloves
• Olive oil


1. Take everything out of the turkey. There will be a giblet bag and some other stuff.

2. Next add vegetables to the inside of the turkey. You don’t even have to peel anything. This is easy because the veggies are just for flavor — you are going to throw them away later.

3. Take the onion and cut it into quarters.

4. Chop a nice long carrot.

5. Do the same with a couple stalks of celery.

6. Add several cloves of garlic that you mash between a broad kitchen knife and the kitchen counter.

7. Throw it all inside the turkey.

8. Then rub the turkey all over with olive oil — not butter because butter usually has salt in it and salt is the enemy of a moist turkey. Make sure the whole bird is covered in olive oil.

9. Put the turkey in a roasting pan and cover it with a large brown paper bag.

10. Staple shut. If you have a huge turkey use two paper bags at each end. It wont stick to the bird because of the olive oil.

11. Sprinkle the bag all over with water.

12. Place into pre-heated 375 F oven. ON THE MIDDLE RACK.

13. The bag wont burn because paper burns at 451 and we’re at 375 degrees.

14. The advantage of the brown paper bag over the Reynolds cooking bag is that the paper breathes so the turkey ROASTS. In the Reynolds bag the turkey STEAMS, giving it a different taste.

15. Roast for 13-15 minutes per pound.

16. When you think it’s ready, shove a meat thermometer through the bag and into the turkey and give it a minute to register. Make sure it doesn’t touch the bone.

17. The thermometer should register between 163-170 degrees.

18. Remove from oven, cut away the bag and remove the basting pan.

19. Do not throw out the drippings!

20. To make the gravy, strain the pan juices into a really big pot. Any juices that accumulate on the turkey platter get poured into the pot.

21. Add six oz. of boiling chicken broth and 1/8 cup of cornstarch to the gravy to thicken it up. Cook on low heat and stir and cook and stir.

22. If it seems it isn’t going to be thick enough, add a little more cornstarch.

23. That’s it! Happy Thanksgiving

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