I began hearing married women complain about something last year that quite frankly shocked me. Well, it shocked me until I realized that I am now in my mid-forties, and the complainers were also married to men in their forties. The complaint was about the lack of sex in their marriage. Now, this is a complaint that I have heard many times from young grooms, but my how the tables appear to turn.
So what this means is that a large number of men and women of different ages are not happy with the amount or frequency of sex in their marriage. So I decided to do a Google search using the key words of sex, sexless, marriage and came across an article on WebMD that I would like to share with you in a moment. However, I first want to share something I found on a blog called "Intimacy in Marriage." The author of the blog, Julie Sibert, asked her readers the question, "Please give me five words to describe your sex life?" And here are some of the responses she received from her large female audience:
So hopeless I’ve given up.
Missing, unsatisfactory, unwanted, unimportant.
Exciting, improving, exploratory, sometimes frustrating.
What sex? I’ve given up.
Sporadic, bland, lacking, difficult, un-inspired
18 years of no sex
I want to be honest and say that all of the answers weren't bad, and there were people like "Patti" who should probably write her own blog or put out a YouTube video lesson because she said, "Holy, glorious, orgasmic, bonding, tender. (Married over 30yrs.)" Now there is a woman who has either found herself a young stud or a man who is shoving testosterone pills down his throat like a race horse! My point today is simple and that is we need to bring sex back into the marriage (especially those of us that are 35 plus).
"According to the National Opinion Research Center, the average American couple reports having sex 66 times a year. Newsweek has noted that 15% to 20% of couples have sex less than 10 times a year, which is defined as a "sexless" marriage" (WebMD). Now there may be a few of you who are wondering why sex is so important, and it is because it promotes bonding in a relationship. And quite frankly it says to your spouse, "You are desirable." I love the following quote from Helen Fisher, PhD.:
"Sex is designed to make you feel good for a reason," says Fisher. "With someone you love, I recommend it for many reasons: It's good for your health and good for your relationship. It's good for respiration, muscles, and bladder control. It's a fine antidepressant, and it can renew your energy.
So what do I want you to do with this information? Well as we say in the south, I want you to start bumping uglies! Okay, I'm not sure they say that in the south, but I am more than proud of myself for figuring out how to work that phrase into a blog post. Seriously, I want to give you a challenge on behalf of the many men and women that are suffering out there, and when I use the word "suffering" it is not meant to be a joke. I have met with both men and women who are seriously suffering, depressed, and quite frankly hurt because of the lack of sexual attention they are receiving from their spouse. My challenge is for you to have sex every day for the next 7 days, and just see what happens.
What next? Well get naked and get busy...well first some of you may need to click the little share by "email" button below and send this to your significant other to get them on the "Seven Day Sex Plan." My prayer is that this will help you reconnect and reengergize your relationship.
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Tony Russell, MA, LMHC