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The Crown of Clowns for April 24, 2015


This guy took a bad situation and made it into a HILARIOUSLY bad situation . . . so well done, I guess? 44-year-old Steven Shuler of Monrovia, Indiana was at home on Monday when the cops showed up to arrest him for a probation violation.

He managed to climb through a 16-inch hole to hide inside his walls . . . and it WORKED. The cops thought he was out and they left.

Unfortunately for Steven, that's where his good luck ended. He didn't have any way to get OUT of the walls . . . and he wound up stuck there for more than 24 HOURS.

His ex-wife came by the next day and found him . . . so she decided to call for help. The fire department came and got him out of the wall . . . and he was arrested.

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Topics : Law_Crime
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Locations : IndianaMonrovia
People : Steven Shuler




 

Crown of Clowns for Thursday, April 23, 2015


Just because YOU love a random animal doesn't mean it loves you back. 18-year-old Austin Hatfield of Wimauma, Florida captured a four-foot cottonmouth snake last week and decided to keep him as a pet. (Cottonmouths are also called water moccasins.) He's been keeping it in a pillowcase in his girlfriend's house. Well . . . a few days ago, he was cuddling with his new pet and decided to give him a kiss on the mouth. And . . . it BIT him.

Cottonmouths are venomous and can be pretty deadly . . . so Austin was rushed to the hospital in critical condition. Fortunately, he pulled through and now he's been upgraded to good condition. BUT . . . now we add insult to injury. You need a permit in Florida to catch and keep a cottonmouth snake . . . so Austin is being investigated and could be facing charges.

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Topics : Human Interest
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Locations : FloridaWimauma
People : Austin Hatfield




 

Dealing with Grief

If you are dealing with the loss of a loved one, or even the loss of a relationship through divorce or a breakup please listen to my interview with my friend and grief expert Janelle Biagioni by clicking HERE! :)

Tony
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People : Janelle Biagioni




 

Fitz in the Morning's Super Bowl "Bets"



The crew isn't really making bets in Las Vegas, but here are our picks on some of the strange bets that some are making in Sin City this week:

Will Marshawn grab his crotch when he scores?
Fitz-No
Ellen-No
Tony-No

What will be the hoodie color Bill Belichick wears during the game?
Fitz-Dark Blue
Ellen-Navy
Tony-Gray

Will Belichick smile on camera during the game?
Fitz-Yes
Ellen-No
Tony-No

Who will the Super Bowl MVP mention first?
Fitz-God
Ellen-Fans
Tony-Tom Brady will thank his team

What color of Gatorade will be dumped on the winning coach?
Fitz-Orange
Ellen-Yellow
TonyGreen

Who will win the Super Bowl?
Fitz-Seattle 21-14
Ellen-Seattle 24-21
Tony-Patriots 34-15

What will Katie Perry show during her show?
Fitz-Stomach
Ellen-Cleave
Tony-Lots of cleavage and belly

How many times will the announcers mention "deflate gate" during the broadcast...over or under 3 times?
Fitz-Over
Ellen-Over
Tony-Over

We would love to hear your predictions!!
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Fitz chats with Keith Urban


 
We were lucky enough to chat with none other than Keith Urban this morning! If you didn't get the chace to listen in, you can still hear the whole thing, just click here!
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People : Keith Urban




 

Acronyms You Need to Know If You Are a Parent

These are the acronyms you need to watch out for if you are a parent:

YOUR KID HAS SOMETHING TO HIDE
CD9: Short for “Code 9,” which means parents are around.
KPC: Keeping Parents Clueless
MOS: Mom Over Shoulder
P911: Parent Alert
PAL: Parents Are Listening
PAW: Parents Are Watching
PIR: Parent In Room
POS: Parent Over Shoulder

YOUR KID SHOULDN’T BE INVOLVED IN THIS
143, 459 or ILU: I love you
1174: Invited to a wild party
420: Marijuana
GNOC: Get Naked On Camera
GYPO: Get Your Pants Off
AMEZRU: I Am Easy, Are You?
IWSN: I Want Sex Now
KFY or K4Y: Kiss For You
KOTL: Kiss On The Lips
NIFOC: Nude In Front Of The Computer
RUH: Are You Horny?
TDTM: Talk Dirty To Me
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Topics : Human Interest




 

Fitz's Brown Bag Turkey Recipe

Here is the recipe I talekd about on the air today:
 

Ingredients

• 1 (18 -20 lb) whole turkey
• 2 stalks celery (roughly chopped)
• 1 carrots (roughly chopped)
• 1 onions (cut into quarters)
• 3 -4 crushed garlic cloves
• Olive oil

Directions

1. Take everything out of the turkey. There will be a giblet bag and some other stuff.

2. Next add vegetables to the inside of the turkey. You don’t even have to peel anything. This is easy because the veggies are just for flavor — you are going to throw them away later.

3. Take the onion and cut it into quarters.

4. Chop a nice long carrot.

5. Do the same with a couple stalks of celery.

6. Add several cloves of garlic that you mash between a broad kitchen knife and the kitchen counter.

7. Throw it all inside the turkey.

8. Then rub the turkey all over with olive oil — not butter because butter usually has salt in it and salt is the enemy of a moist turkey. Make sure the whole bird is covered in olive oil.

9. Put the turkey in a roasting pan and cover it with a large brown paper bag.

10. Staple shut. If you have a huge turkey use two paper bags at each end. It wont stick to the bird because of the olive oil.

11. Sprinkle the bag all over with water.

12. Place into pre-heated 375 F oven. ON THE MIDDLE RACK.

13. The bag wont burn because paper burns at 451 and we’re at 375 degrees.

14. The advantage of the brown paper bag over the Reynolds cooking bag is that the paper breathes so the turkey ROASTS. In the Reynolds bag the turkey STEAMS, giving it a different taste.

15. Roast for 13-15 minutes per pound.

16. When you think it’s ready, shove a meat thermometer through the bag and into the turkey and give it a minute to register. Make sure it doesn’t touch the bone.

17. The thermometer should register between 163-170 degrees.

18. Remove from oven, cut away the bag and remove the basting pan.

19. Do not throw out the drippings!

20. To make the gravy, strain the pan juices into a really big pot. Any juices that accumulate on the turkey platter get poured into the pot.

21. Add six oz. of boiling chicken broth and 1/8 cup of cornstarch to the gravy to thicken it up. Cook on low heat and stir and cook and stir.

22. If it seems it isn’t going to be thick enough, add a little more cornstarch.

23. That’s it! Happy Thanksgiving

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Couples Who Smoke Weed Together Are Less Likely to Fight

We're not going to tell you to do something illegal . . . but if you and your husband or wife both happen to have glaucoma or some kind of serious bone disease, smoke your legal marijuana together right now.
 
A new study from the University of Buffalo in New York found that couples who smoke WEED together have a SIGNIFICANTLY lower rate of fighting and domestic violence.
 
And their main theory WHY is (DRUM ROLL PLEASE):  Marijuana mellows you out and makes you happy.  When people are happy, they don't fight.
 
This study was partially funded by the National Institute for Drug Abuse, which is actually AGAINST legalizing marijuana . . . so the fact that the study has a pro-marijuana result gives it a lot of credibility. 
  
(Washington Post)

A new study from the University of Buffalo in New York found that couples who smoke WEED together have a SIGNIFICANTLY lower rate of fighting and domestic violence.

And their main theory WHY is (DRUM ROLL FOR SHOCKING RESULTS PLEASE): Marijuana mellows you out and makes you happy. When people are happy, they don't fight.

This study was partially funded by the National Institute for Drug Abuse, which is actually AGAINST legalizing marijuana . . . so the fact that the study has a pro-marijuana result gives it a lot of credibility. 

(Washington Post)

Notice it didn't ask if both were employed, living in their parent's basement, or had orange finger nails from constantly eating Cheetos!
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Topics : Social Issues
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Fitz's BadAss Club

 

1.  Green Beret Bob "Big Fitz" (My Father)
2.  Garth (Well...you know)
3.  Bill Wixey (News Anchor)
4.  Dennis Bounds (New Anchor)
5.  Chris Young (Country Artist)
6.  Angela Hernandez  (Navy)
 
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Six Signs Your New Honey is Still Hooked on Their Ex

PLEASE CLICK HERE TO KNOW IF YOUR NEW LOVE INTEREST IS STILL INTERESTED IN THEIR EX!
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